We are working with the Journalist, Socrates Mbamalu to share stories from people that have been directly and indirectly affected by this pandemic.
#CovidStories is a new MANI series where we interview people whose lives have been impacted by this pandemic. The subject for today’s story is a nurse that is proud of what she does, but has been dealing with recurrent anxiety since the pandemic started.
So, You’re a medical practitioner? Tell me about that.
I’m a Nurse, a proud one. I’ve been practicing for about two years now. I’m still fresh in the labor market.
Nice. Do you live alone or with family?
I got this job during the pandemic and I had to move far from home. I stay with my friend and her family. The last time I saw my family physically was in March. I missed my mum’s birthday; we do video calls sometimes. On my mum’s birthday, I had to attend via video call and it was really emotional for me.
I threw a surprise party for her, planned with my dad and siblings. It’s the least I could do.
How has it been for you and how has the experience been like?
Hmm! Some days, it’s great, other days it’s like wo! I should quit. I think the one thing that drives me is the passion I have. It’s been really stressful. Some days, I have to attend to 39 personnels at once. I don’t call them patients because they aren’t positive. So basically, I work at a quarantine location. I observe them every day (twice daily), I take their temperature and also ask them vital questions so I can identify if they are developing any symptoms.
I eat my meals late and I have stomach ulcer so, some days I battle with stomach pain.
Being at the site, I had no contact with the outside world for up to a month. I don’t get to see anyone till my time off. Even during my time off, I try to minimize contact with the outside world because, apart from the fact that I am at high risk (I have underlying health conditions), I still wouldn’t want to risk the lives of others. After two weeks, I have to get back to work and it means if I expose myself during the time off, I’ll endanger everyone else.
To clarify, I work for one month at a quarantined location then I take two weeks off.
Personally, I love my space, I am an introvert. I hate going out, but then, sometimes I just feel like taking walks, But I can’t because there is a probability of getting exposed.
Generally, I’ll say the experience has been both good and bad. There are some days that I’ve legit felt like quitting not because of the workload but because it is mentally draining. I had a case once when someone deliberately decided to risk everyone’s life at the site. I didn’t know what to do, I was confused and, I didn’t know whether to report to my superiors or let it go. But then, my anxiety couldn’t let me ignore the many what ifs.
I had a mental breakdown. I’ve had a couple of breakdowns too.
How are the living conditions at the quarantine site?
The living condition is comfortable, very comfortable actually. I was at another location but I got transferred to a better place. The food at the previous site was terrible. Most days then, I just pick the food and struggle with it passing my throat as it was the same menu. The melon soup will make you stool for days and I hate melon soup. I don’t even want to talk about the tasteless bread roll.
Well, this new place is way better. The food tastes homely. At a point, I buy bread and biscuits whenever I want to resume so I can be eating when the food isn’t edible at all. I force myself to eat because I need it to live plus I don’t want to have ulcer pain.
Have you had a positive patient or a patient that passed away due to this pandemic? How was the experience?
Luckily for me, there hasn’t been any positive case at my location. The tests done are always negative.
So I haven’t experienced it.
How has your mental/emotional health been affected? What have you adopted to cope?
This pandemic has affected me mentally. My anxiety level has been at its peak. As someone whose lungs and heart are barely functioning, I’ve had to put in extra effort just so I don’t get infected.
I see everyone as a potential carrier.
I stopped looking at the numbers because the daily increase makes me panicky. I don’t even check NCDC at all. I actually don’t care about the numbers at all.
I started by checking just once a day then I reduced it to once in a while.
What I’ve been doing to keep my sanity is to chat with a few people I know understand my mental health journey. I have over 200 chats I haven’t replied to and I don’t think I intend to. Not because I don’t want to reply to them, but because I am trying as much as possible to just stay on a balance. I watch movies a lot now during my free times. I started journaling again, this really helps me especially when my head starts feeling like a whirlwind. And then, when it gets too overwhelming
I have four people I can call or chat with (my partner, my counselor, and two very good friends I got from volunteering with MANI). They’ve been here for me and I am always super glad because they are always there to listen to all those “crazy” thoughts, those self-doubts. I’ve had a couple of wins and losses too this period, and for each one, they’ve been there to cheer me up.
How do you feel about going to work daily, what are your fears and worries?
Every day, I wake up excited. Well, apart from those days I’ve been cranky. I mean, it feels good knowing I am doing my little quota to minimize the spread. I’m educating the people I supervise about the importance of washing their hands and observing the social distancing, using their gloves and so on.
It’s an exciting experience especially knowing that these people appreciate everything I do. Someone even calls me “abroad nurse” he said I don’t behave like the typical “Nigerian nurse” Lol.
My fear is having anyone who is positive on my site. That would mean, I’ll come in contact with the person and chances of being infected however slim, is still there. If I should get infected, the likelihood of surviving is slim.
That’s my greatest fear.
So I’ve deliberately been very careful, extra careful, but one can never be too careful.
How do you feel about being at high risk to people around you?
Honestly, I feel scared. I’ve refused to go visit my grandma even though we are in the same town because I wouldn’t want to risk her life.
Would you rather not come home to family out of fear of infecting them?
Honestly, yes. If I have the opportunity to choose that, I wouldn’t mind till all this is over.
Are your loved ones aware of your level of exposure to people at this period? (For healthcare workers in the front line, are they aware that you are in direct contact with Covid-19 related cases?)
Yes, they are aware, and they always tell me to be careful.
Are you being avoided by loved ones or people who are aware of your level of exposure? And Have you ever felt stigmatized?
No, not at all. They joke about it alright. Like oh! Don’t come close to me covik one nine nurse.
“You should be quarantined before entering the house”.” Ehhhh wash your hands before touching me” If I sneeze, they will shout “it’s coronavirus”. Lol, but it’s all bants, because when they also leave the house, I do the same to them.
Are you being compensated in a special way for this? If so, how?
Financially, yes. Pay is good. Plus, the whole experience and my CV feels rich too.
How do you feel about going out every day knowing that this might be the day you get the virus?
I know how my mind works, so I always try to not think about it at all, else I just might have a meltdown from it all.
She texted the next day:
‘From the tests done yesterday, two people are positive, I’ve just been working out to take my mind off it, they have no symptoms though. But they are isolating. I won’t have contact with them, only contact will be via phone call only. I believe no one will contact the virus here because of the strategy I’ve been using.’
If you have a story to share with us about your experiences during this pandemic, please click here.
Interview carried out by our awesome Covid Interview team-(Halima, Asma, Tosin and Jeniffer.)