Having a mental illness is not a death sentence nor is it a hopeless cause that can’t be dealt with. Yes, it involves a lifestyle change to an extent (depending on what your triggers are) but at the end of the day, it definitely is something that can be managed with the right care and maintained to allow for a fruitful life.
That being said, all hell can break loose when one is dealing with a mental illness; specifically, I’m referring to the behavior of the person with the illness. There are times when one who feels crappy sees an opportunity to “milk the cow”. What do I mean? Well, you remember when you were a kid and you cried and you got food or pampering or something to make you happy again and stop crying? Then you realized that every time you cried someone would come to make you feel better so you just cried so people can be nice to you? This, my friend, is “MILKING THE COW”. We are human, it happens.
Another thing humans tend to do is just be complete assholes sometimes. What’s even worse…someone with a mental illness being absolutely shitty to everyone around them but still wanting help. I get it, push people away because you feel you aren’t worth it or because you don’t want them to see you at your lowest. This is me, I am this person. I have siblings and friends who are near and dear to me. All have experienced all sides of me, from the anger to the smiles to the screaming to the attention-seeking to the plain old shutting people out and not caring about feelings, I HAVE DONE IT ALL.
There was a time I was feeling really down and I knew a full-on episode of all kinds of emotions was about to happen. I wanted someone to hold me or help me through it deep down inside but I also didn’t want to let anyone in and show them that side of me. So I did what young me knew how to do…be mean. The victim that day was my sister. That day I picked a fight with her over something little as not doing some cleaning properly. I was angry and I needed to let out some form of emotion. Now what I’m not going to do is share said convo because to this day it was likely one of the few things I did to her that I wish I could change. What I will say is what was said to my 12yr old sister at the time was unnecessary. I wanted her to feel the same pain I was in, to be angry and lash out. I got minor pleasure out of it and watching her reaction made it all better…at the moment.
It definitely put a strain on our relationship as sisters and definitely hurt the one person I should have been able to be open with (also considering that we shared a room…ooo it was a long night). Damage was done and by the next day I felt nothing…it took me a long time and healing to realize what happened that day was horrible and I try my best constantly to make sure I never act out like that, especially with her. At her age, she had no idea what was happening, just that her sister was being really mean. It’s taken time, growth, and understanding for both of us to reach a level that we both have moved past it and forgiven past ills.
Dealing with your demons is very hard, asking for help is even harder to do, not having that help and dealing with your demons on your own is the absolute hardest. Having a mental illness is not an excuse to lash out at others and blame it on what you are going through. It shouldn’t be an excuse to say or do things that could hurt others around you. It has taken me a long time to learn this. Some days I want to slip into my old ways because to me it’s just easier. What we have to learn is that sometimes the hard things are what gets us through life. Being depressed, suicidal, harming your body, having emotional outbursts, and mood swings is hard to deal with already. Dealing with that and hurting others only creates a deeper feeling of pain and hurt especially when you direct your bad actions and words towards those you love and care about.
I’m not saying if you are having mental health issues don’t get angry or feel some type of way about what others do to you. As I said before, we are human. The issue is when we do it from a place of pain and anger and purposely and actively deciding to be a shithead. It’s also way easier to speak to those around you (ones you trust) about what you are going through. When they know what you are dealing with, your shitty behaviour may be slightly overlooked (cause being a shitty person is still grounds for cutting you off but they love you and know you are dealing with things right now so you get a pass).
Be kind and considerate, share your emotions with those around you, and when you lose it, make sure you explain. Those around you more than likely want to help as much as they can and you should give them the opportunity to. Pushing them away or just being a jerk just isolates you and makes what you are going through even harder. No one wants to go through hardship alone.
-Bewaji