Self-harming is very dangerous and discovering your loved one is self-harming makes you feel at a loss especially when you don’t know what to do. It’s quite hard to understand why someone would deliberately hurt themselves or cause pain to themselves, and your emotions will
range from shock to anger, sadness, and confusion but to them it is a way to deal with the pain they are going through.
They are not able to express the pain they feel and they start to practice self-harm which they feel is the only way. Maybe they haven’t told you, but you might have noticed and you don’t know if you should confront them or how to confront them. Or, they might have opened
up to you and you don’t know how to help
Self-harm ranges from cutting or scratching the skin, burning or scalding ones self, hitting or banging ones head, bouncing or throwing ones self against a wall, or swallowing poisonous substances or objects. Self-harm can present itself in less obvious ways like binge drinking,
reckless driving, or unsafe sex.
Regardless of how they self-harm, it’s the only way they know how to cope with overwhelming feelings and the sense of emptiness or distress or pain they are feeling. It’s very difficult for a person to stop self-harming and it may take a long time to do so and it gets
addictive for some.
If you want to help, the first thing is to talk to them, to get an inkling of what is going on in their mind. Because self-harm is an expression of the emotions going on internally, ask them how they are feeling, try to understand what the issues are, and do not be judgemental. If they are afraid to open up let them know you are always available to listen when they are ready.
“Look at the individual, not the harm. Look at the person beyond the scars. Scars are not important. The person that did them is important.”
When someone you care about opens up to you about self-harming themselves, there are ways to help the person and make a difference. Your attitude and the way you react is one of the things that make them feel supported. Listen attentively to them, the reason for self-harming varies and it’s complex. If you want to be there for them, you will need to be patient, and to listen to understand, instead of listening to reply. Avail yourself as much as is safe for you to talk to them, and as much as they want you around do that they don’t get overwhelmed.
Try to find an alternative for self-harming, maybe tearing up papers, taking a walk, playing loud music, painting, anything that distracts them, and takes their mind away from self-harming.
Help them find helpful resources, articles, or journals that can help them deal with it. Seek the help of a professional therapist if they are willing, and walk with them through it, because therapy and recovery is a new journey and no one should walk that road alone. When you know you can’t handle it, you can reach out to us at MANI and we will be glad to help.
“The mind is a beautiful place when it’s taken care of.”
-Grace Nwannukwu
Thanks so much for sharing. I use to self harm. But I would like to think that I have stopped. I will try to apply this in case there is a resurfacing. Though, self harming seems so easy and sweet.
It seems counterproductive that one is using pain to cure pain,but it seems like a very effective way for me. But I would try otherwise
Hello Adesewa, I understand this feeling. It took me a long time to admit that some of my behaviours were considered self-harm. While working through dealing with my anxiety, I still get the urge to feel physical pain instead of dealing with internal, emotional turbulence.
I’m learning to journal more often, take walks and talk about what I’m feeling with people I trust. It’s a personal journey and I hope you find healthier ways to express your pain and heal.