IRENE
“Weeping may endure for the night but Joy comes in the morning” was one of our Pastor’s favourite words of exhortation, if not his favourite and whenever he mentioned it, my mother, Comfort Abah would passionately nod her head. I didn’t realize how untrue that statement was until I died. Yes, I Irene Abah died on the 4th of April 2017 my tears endured for many nights and my death came before my morning. I’m not a talkative so believe me when I say I would rather rest in peace than tell this story but then people need to learn from my story and if there’s anything I have learned from my own life experience it is to always listen and learn. If my mother had listened and learned I wouldn’t be telling this story as a dead girl, so sit back, keep an open mind and learn.
“What do you mean she’s depressed?” My mother asked with an incredulous expression.
Now if you know my mother you would know that she is extremely arrogant and dramatic.
Wait! How could I ever forget her most prominent attribute-Intimidating.
If the word bully ever decides to have a face or a brand ambassador my mum would be the best candidate because Mrs Comfort Abah sure knows how to use her size and voice to make other person feel small and tremble like rats before a mountain.
“I mean your daughter attempted to kill herself because she is very very very sad and the sadness is beginning to get in her head” Dr Adeleke elucidated and I couldn’t even hide my surprise at the fact that she was still talking.
My mother was glaring daggers at her but she, the doctor I’ve grown to like was still talking not in the least browbeaten by my mother the bully.
My mother clapped her hands together to express further disbelief in what the doctor just said and I sank deeper into my chair wishing I had decided to wait in the car.
“So you are saying my daughter is mad?” My mother questioned, her tone layered with anger and her eyes full of pure disdain.
“Not at all madam, don’t get me wrong. What I mean is that mentally your…..”
“My daughter attends the best school in the state, enjoys the finest things of life and has nothing to worry about, so tell me where the sadness is coming from. Anyway I don’t expect you to know so thank you Doctor for your big grammar.” My mother said cutting off Dr Adeleke.
I wanted to sink deeper into my chair but there was nowhere to sink into again so I started staring at my white sneakers thanking God none of them was asking me any question.
“But me…” my mum continued beating her chest with her perfectly manicured right hand for effect or drama as usual.
“I know it is the American film Irene is watching that is too much, all these jargons you are saying is for oyinbo children and Irene is just a cheap attention seeker but don’t worry I know what to do, I will teach her a lesson she will never forget.” She said before standing up.
I stood up after her, avoiding her eyes.
“You think suicide is a cheap attention seeking thing?” Dr Adeleke asked indignantly.
“Yes, I think that suicide is for pathetic people.” my mother reiterated and Dr Adeleke couldn’t stop opening and closing her mouth like a fish.
“But madam you…..” she started when she finally found her voice.
“Oh! Shut up” my mother snapped and Dr Adeleke flinched.
“What do you know eh? You want to teach me how to train my child?” my mother hissed before taking a dramatic gait out of the doctor’s office.
I turned to look at the doctor one last time before running after my mother, she had a sad smile on her face and while I got into the car after my mother I couldn’t stop thinking about her and what she told me.
“You deserve a better life than this.”
Maybe I did but I sure didn’t live long enough to live that better life. The seventeen years I spent on earth were full of struggles and pain and emptiness and death even before the real death came.
I knew I was in hot soup when we got into the car and my mother slammed the car door. Neither of us spoke throughout the forty minutes drive to the house and the tension in the car was so thick that it could be cut through with a knife.
I was too scared to speak and my mother was simply too furious to acknowledge me, the cheap pathetic and attention seeking girl. No sooner had she parked the car than I jumped out and began to take purposeful strides to the house, hoping to escape in one piece but apparently luck never cared about me and fate had other plans for me.
“Young lady.” my mother called and I froze. I closed my eyes and sighed before turning to face her.
“Ye…Yes…mummy” I replied unable to mask my fear.
She wasn’t lying when she said I attended the best schools and enjoyed the finest things of life but she lied where she said I had nothing to worry about. I had a lot to worry about and she was atop that list. Her anger issues, her ridiculous expectations and her constant self esteem crushing words. I could endure her unpleasantness when dad was around but after he left us for another woman everything got worse. My mother became a full fledged maniac and the hole inside my heart kept expanding until I decided to end everything that night; if only my mother had travelled like she told me but then nothing ever worked out well for me.
“Don’t think you can make me waste my money because of your attention seeking madness and go scot free, you have made a very stupid decision and you will bear the consequence. Since the doctor said you’re mad, I will wring that madness out of you with beating.” she said as she pulled off her head gear and her wrapper, leaving just her knicker and blouse on as she pounced on me.
I wailed, pleaded, screamed and sobbed until I had no more strength in me but my mother would not stop kicking me around and punching me. She dragged me around the compound pushing her fists into my stomach and panting as she did so.
“Don’t you ever try to take your life again.” she said as she slapped my two cheeks together at once.
“You’re 17 what problems could you possibly have that can be more than mine? I have been abandoned by three husbands and I’m still here so what is going on in that stupid head of yours??” she said as she pinched and punched me. She suddenly realised she didn’t take off her watch and was fumbling with the hook when I managed to get up, my first instinct said to run but I didn’t.
I wanted to say something as I watched her take off her watch with blood trickling down my face, I spent my whole life stalking silence, taking everything everyone dished out to me and never complaining and that one time I wanted to express myself. I wanted to tell her exactly what my problems were even though I felt like I’d been grinded in a blender and couldn’t stop wincing but before I could voice out what I wanted to say to her she was already walking towards me so I ran.
Weak, dizzy and scared to death I ran straight into death. I was hit by a moving car that kept moving even after smashing my head.
DR ADELEKE
I knew Mrs Abah wasn’t going to take things lightly with Irene and I could see the fear in the girl’s eyes before she left my office. I tried to get her off my mind telling myself over and over again that she was just one of my patients and she’ll be fine but I failed woefully, I wasn’t buying the lie I was selling to myself so I took my keys and headed to my car telling myself it was better to not mind my business than to mind my business at the expense of someone’s health or life even. I was already in my car before I remembered that I didn’t even know their address so I went back to check Irene’s file, copied the address and headed to Surulere. I punched my steering wheel when I got into traffic
“Not this time please God, not this time.” I begged and prayed. My prayer was answered and I drove faster than usual but just about three minutes away from the house according to my Google map I saw a crowd of people on the road, I didn’t need to be told that an accident victim was at the middle of the crowd.
Dead or alive I wondered as I kept driving but something caught my eye and I kept wondering if what I was thinking was possible at all but I parked my car anyway and walked back to the accident scene only to see that I wasn’t mistaken. Mrs Abah was the one in a knicker and her Ankara blouse looking lost and walking around the crowd asking,
“Where is my Irene?”
Some people shook their heads in pity for her, some neighbours chose to insult her and condemn her mothering skills but I just stared. I knew something was going to happen but I didn’t expect to see Irene’s half smashed corpse. I wanted to be mad at Mrs Abah when she came to me and asked me the same question I wanted to explain how she killed her daughter to her but two wrongs don’t make a right and condemning the ignorant isn’t the way forward when it comes to mental health so I hugged her in response to her question before mumbling a soft “Irene is dead.”
As if I stabbed her with the Biblical two edged sword Mrs Abah threw her hands in the air and wailed, “I killed her.”
Sobbing uncontrollably as she rolled on the ground she kept saying “I killed my daughter.”
“I killed Irene.”
I took a minute to call an ambulance after looking at the girl’s bloody corpse, it was hard to tell if she’d been beaten before the accident and as much as I wanted to rub it in Mrs Abah’s face that yes, you killed your daughter you evil woman I couldn’t, instead I kept consoling her even as the crowds dispersed in twos and threes and the ambulance took the girl’s body away.
MRS ABAH
After spending 7 years of the my life in and out of psychiatric homes I finally learned what I was too arrogant to learn and frustrated to understand while Irene was still alive, the importance of mental health. I started attending mental health trainings and soon became a mental health activist dedicating my life to helping teenagers and youths swim safely to the shore of the ocean that drowned my only child. Tomiwa Adeleke became my very close friend, because without her, life would have been a lot harder. I may have even resorted to suicide because the psychiatric homes weren’t exactly houses of fun or joy but with her constant encouragement and unparalleled love I was able to pull through.
We still celebrate Irene every 4th of April by organizing a mental health event that would bring people with different stories but a common goal together and in one voice we say “Mental health is as important as physical health.”
-Adejumobi