As you prepare for church, you hear your mother screaming and then you see it-your father slumped on the floor holding his hairbrush, unable to speak or stand. You dash across the room screaming his name, staring at his confused face. 

Everything is a blur of activities, transporting him to the general hospital, the repeated questions as different people ask you to describe what happened, to do this test, and this scan. After what feels like days, they tell you he had a stroke and he is going to be managed and monitored.

The hospital is another world on its own, with constant vigil. By the second day, your relatives are aware, wanting to visit to show their support. You inform them the visiting time is by 4, the hospital has a strict one visitor policy, but they persist and the nurses make their displeasure known. Your aunties won’t stop calling to let you know they are at the gate, the doctors have prescribed another drug unavailable at the hospital pharmacy. You have spent the last few days; answering questions, queuing at the ATM, buying drugs, trying not to cry and failing, panicking, wondering where the burial will hold, banishing such thoughts.

Your father is different, he looks less himself and more like a man his age. The doctors certify him stable and refer to Physiotherapy. You see them coaxing his muscles to respond to their touch, vaguely aware of your mother muttering prayers by his bedside.

The discharge papers are ready, the bills paid, but your father is refusing to use a wheelchair because he isn’t an invalid and God did not create him to use such.

………………………………….

The nurses are spanking her, you are tired, staying awake is requiring the last bit of strength you have. Why isn’t she crying?

 It has been 10 months. She cannot control her neck and your mother’s constant attempt to put her to sit yields no results. You’re tired of explaining to people that your beautiful baby has Cerebral Palsy. The looks of pity and constant questions the few times you are brave enough to take her out is stressing you out. 

Your mother believes getting pregnant is the next step to take, says the new child will spur her to move. Your mother-in-law is certain this is a spiritual attack, sending prayers and inviting you to one mountain or the other to correct it all.

……………………………..

Being responsible for another human is a daunting task and in our bid to keep them alive and well, we neglect our wellbeing. Caregiving is an exercise in reassurance, in butting heads and arguing about the next step to take. It involves a lot of sacrifice and dedication.

In your quest to provide the best care, you must also strive to take care of yourself and recognize certain triggers. It is said that you cannot give what you don’t have and no matter how many times it is said, it is not a cliché. Nothing can come out of an empty cup, no matter how many times you shake it.

It is not selfish to take care of yourself and look after your mental health. Caregiving does not equal sacrificing your physical and mental health.

Take a break when you have to. I promise you, it is not selfish and you need it.

-Oyinkonsola

The post Dear Caregiver, Take Care Of Yourself. appeared first on Project Covid.

In one way or the other, we can all relate to these, and they can be major causes of mental unhealthiness that we don’t really pay attention to, especially in this part of the world where things of such are quickly swept up with words like “these are menial issues” , meanwhile these factors could cause anxiety, hopelessness leading to depression, depression, overwhelming gloom, and sometimes,  physical sickness.

Mental health comes from the psyche -it could come from us competing ourselves, or with the overachiever syndrome, imposter syndrome, constantly taking in negative vibes, etc. These random feats can pique our psyche and give us anxiety,  panic attacks, ceaseless worrying, etc. that adversely affects our mental health , so we need to create and spread the awareness that we are all vulnerable to mental health issues and we should never feel bad or mentally retarded for seeking a psychiatrist’s or a counsellor’s service. 

YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT;
According to WHO researchers, 1 in every 4 Nigeria  has mental health challenges,  which estimates to about 50 million Nigerians, but sadly, we have just 8 federal neuropsychiatric hospitals in the country and that leaves us with little or no efficiency to tackle this issue. Worse even, people who actually admit to have mental health challenges are stigmatized as unstable people, meanwhile the person gaslighting has a 96% probability of having a  mental health issues themselves that needs urgent addressing, but will never admit to it.

MYTHS OF MENTAL HEALTH IN NIGERIA.

The phrases “Africans are too strong for mental breakdown “, “We dey, no shaking”  “Therapy is such a waste, and never needed with us.” “Learning Psychology in African is so unneeded.” “Therapy is a luxury.” “Money and credit alerts is the only therapy needed.” “You’ll outgrow this.” and other stories, are all myths that needs to be vehemently tackled sooner than later, because mental health instability is real and eating into our lives and system while we carefreely do nothing about it.

BEAR THIS IN MIND;
Thing is , mental health issues do not always comes in packs of “maniacs ” and all -you can be seemingly perfect and fine with perhaps financial overload and a pretty good life, but none of that is a guarantee to sanity. 

Unattended mental issue can cause inefficiency in work places, at home, academic, etc, and to have a safe saner society, we need to be efficient in all these spaces, so mental health care is a must to achieve the best in all areas of our lives.
Your mental health runs your psyche, and it’s a no brainer to know that your mind runs your life because your life only gets better when your mind is.

-Queen

The post things You Should Know About Mental Wellness appeared first on Project Covid.

“Amanda was just in secondary school, when she started watching her weight.
She felt that she was consuming too much food,
And as such, losing her nice body shape.
So, she had to change her meal chart and her taste,
Just to meet her desired results.

Amanda started taking slim tea,
But with time she felt she needed even more slim tea and some pills for a better outcome,
She started spending more time at the gym than her house
So she could burn fats.
And very soon skipping meals became a culture,
And some times she would hide under the excuse of fasting.

Oh! If only, just if only Amanda knew,
That, she wasn’t just starving her body,
But also her self esteem.
Because as time went on,
Amanda had lost so much weight,
But was never proud of the body she was in.

If only someone told her that she was born a queen;
In a beautiful African shape, with all shades of her melanin shining.
And as such, she didn’t need to lower her standards
Because her original body shape could not be gained,
And that was the S.I unit for perfection.

Oh! If only, just if only Amanda knew,
That all the times she checked the mirror frequently, to see if she had lost weight were not necessary,
Because she is a mirror, showing her heritage;
Her beautiful body tells the history of Africa;
And even the black hair on her head is like rivers of memories.
Flowing from her head to her shoulders.

All the times she forced herself to vomit after meals were not necessary because she was trying to vomit her origin,
Her proud black origin and the struggles of an African woman
That were boldly inscribed on her skin as stretch marks.

Oh! If only, just if only Amanda knew,
That she didn’t have to lose all her weight,
Trying to gain the perfect shape,
Like the models she saw on TV.
Because by nature her body was the CV she needed to gain membership into the African family;
Because once she lost it, she had lost her identity.

If only she knew she didn’t have to be like Ariana Grande or Beyonce to look beautiful.
Because her body is a model of her mother’s teachings,
And a reflection of her pedigree.
Oh! If only, just if only Amanda knew.
That, later in life, any man who body-shames her,
Or puts pressure on her to modify her beautiful shape, does not even deserve to have her,
Because such a man could not differentiate diamond from bronze,
If he wanted her to lower her standards like other women do.
If he loves her then, he will know that there’s no better shape for Amanda,
Because Amanda was already “the perfect figure 8”.

COMPOSED BY: NENGE_DADI

The post A Poem About Anorexia appeared first on Project Covid.

#CovidStories is a new MANI series where we interview people whose lives have been impacted by this pandemic. The subject for today’s story is your everyday citizen who got infected with the virus but survived, another testament that people indeed survive the virus.

Hello. How are you doing today?
So far so good, good.

Hmm. So far so good? Why do you say so?
I have been having a great day and I expect it to continue to the end of the day. However, I am not unaware that someone may try to scuttle my good time even though I hope not.

Oh okay. I understand that. How has life been since the pandemic started?
I can’t complain it has been good. Though I was a victim of the virus, got treated and discharged.

Can you share with me what that was like? How you found out you had the virus and what you did to control it?
First, I must say that one can’t be careful enough not to contract the virus. We live in a society where we constantly are in need of others and are in touch with one another. As person who committed to living above fears of death and life, I was suspicious of an awkward and funny feelings.
Initially I thought it was either malaria and typhoid fever, so I got some useful anti-malaria medications. The feelings didn’t disappear, then I thought it could be the virus. I called out to the NDDC help line and I was booked for the COVID-19 test. Funny thing happened that the result was made known to me after 14 days by which time the feelings had disappeared and I had resumed work. But then I was scheduled
to be taken to the isolation/treatment center, a medical ambulance was sent to me and I was indeed taken to the center. I spent two weeks there and was certified ok.

Mentally, how were you dealing with it? Did you experience anxiety, panic attacks or any of such?
Yeah, occasionally I did exhibit some level of anxiety and expectations that their outcome was not of my making but of those who were managing me in the centre. Psychological, yes, the feeling of being isolated and confined to particular place for a period of time. I occasionally felt I was in prison. I dealt with the feelings by talking with people outside and getting updates on the internet. The question as to when will the doctors let me go was common. Every day I asked them.

Since you recovered how would you explain the reception you got from family and friends and even people who knew you had the virus.
Asides from sharing with few people, people don’t really know about it. For those who knew, the reception has been good. Everyone should have known that they are all susceptible to contracting the virus and can be treated. So, I don’t expect discrimination from anyone.

Are you okay now? I mean perfectly fine?
Oh, I am very fine. I resumed work today and no issues so far.

What would your advice to others be, as a someone who has had first-hand experience with the virus?
We all should be as careful as we can be. But if by chance we have it; it can be treated.

Lastly, how would you describe your mental state at this moment?
I am pleased with what Mani has been doing so far in terms of offering leaning shoulders to people. The awareness will make people less apprehensive. Man can’t stay away from thinking so much. Life is full of uncertainties which lead to stress etc. But I think I’m psychologically ok, emotionally, I don’t know.

I understand how you feel. Thank you for speaking to us.

You’re welcome.

If you have a story to share with us about your experiences during this pandemic, please click here.

The post Covid Story: The Man Who Survived The Virus. appeared first on Project Covid.

For a long time, I used to have anxiety “episodes” during which I experienced unexplained changes in my usual physical behaviour. A racing heart here, sweaty palms there, at some point, I was convinced that I must have a serious disease.

In my short life, I have had a few panic attacks. One memory I can recall vividly was an incidence that occurred during my first year in the university. I was intimidated, overwhelmed, anxious, and I had no idea how to deal with the things I was experiencing.

By the time exams came around, I had barely been coping with everything, and the serious consequences of not doing well hit me squarely in the face.

I remember walking to my exam venue one day, filled with worry and defeatist thoughts. As I
stood outside and looked around at how hard others seemed to be studying, a stronger wave of
worry washed over me.

Then came the sweating and trembling, followed by a sudden lack of breath and dizziness. I have never fainted, but I thought I was going to pass out right in front of the exam hall. Luckily, I got over that episode with the support of a friend, but as time went on, I saw that I had more to be anxious about and still no definite solution for what I experienced.

Recently, I have been exposed to resources that have offered me some insight into ways in
which I can better handle my anxiety. Breathing exercises, mindfulness and meditation are just
a few “in the moment” strategies I can use to help manage my anxiety symptoms.

Lifestyle changes like being conscious of my thought patterns, stress management and exercise also help to reduce the occurrence of these symptoms. I have tried to put many of these strategies into practice, which has been quite helpful, especially during this time.

I would say that I had two realizations about experiencing these physical symptoms which
helped me the most. One, when I am experiencing anxiety symptoms, I am not going crazy, I am
not going to faint and I am not dying. Two, I may not have the power to prevent them from
occurring completely, but I have the power to choose how I react to them.

The post My Experience With Anxiety and Panic Attacks. appeared first on Project Covid.

“I started having suicidal ideations when I was in my first year at Uni and it lasted for 2 years. At that time I was depressed and was going through series of trials back then.

Then, I always felt that I was irrelevant and useless in this world. Also, I thought that I must have committed an offence to be suffering the way I was. I had no view about people who were suicidal and I thought I was the only one suffering that way.

Initially I could not reach out for help but later I had a conversation with someone who made me understand that mental health was real and I wasn’t alone. It made me search for more information which led me to be a part of MANI. I felt better when I realised that I wasn’t been punished and that it was just one of those things life throws at you.

I was able to get help almost two years after. I presently cope with depression, insomnia and I used to self harm but I recently got into therapy. I don’t get suicidal thoughts anymore and I view life differently now and I’m making the best use of it.

Whenever I had suicidal ideations I found it hard to cross the road most especially because I could just stop in the middle. Most times I missed lectures and stayed indoor or refused to mingle with people.

My advice to anyone that is having suicidal thoughts is that you should first understand the root cause and then get help. Always hold yourself in high esteem and know that you have a lot of things to do here on earth. Also, get busy and stay active by learning a skill, getting a hobby or becoming a volunteer. “

If you have been having suicidal thoughts, click here to reach out to us for help. You don’t have to go through this alone; there is a way out.

The post WSPD: My Experience With Suicide Ideations appeared first on Project Covid.

It wasn’t categorised as an emergency case because the client, Mary (not her real name) had filled the form herself and she was desperate for help when she found MANI.

When I reached out to her, she wasn’t responding for over 24 hours, and when she finally did, she sounded very weak like she had just been beaten in a physical battle. Apparently, she had given up on life and had written a suicide note the previous day which her boyfriend found and was able to stop her; this lead to issues between them because her boyfriend didn’t want to get into trouble and she became more frustrated.

The moment I told her I was there for her and happy to listen to whatever she must be going through, she broke down in tears and she wept uncontrollably for almost 5 mins, at that moment I knew whatever she must be feeling had really gotten to her and the pain was deep. All I kept repeating was….. “take is easy, I am here for you Mary.”

Mary managed to get a hold of herself and what she said to me was “…. the voice keeps telling me to end it all. I try to suppress the feeling but it is taking all of my strength and I am too weak to keep fighting it, even though I know suicide should not be the way out”. She explained how it was draining her mentally and she could not function well, aside loosing interest in everything around her.

As we progressed with our sessions, I was able to help Mary appreciate life and how much her contribution to it would make a difference if she hung around to make that impact but another touching detail from Mary was how she said family tried to help but went the spiritual way and she ended up getting molested by the spiritual care giver and she could not go back to tell her family what transpired. She noted how it messed her mind up the more and she ruled out the possibility of anyone ever understanding her enough to help her predicament; hence the suicide ideations.

I must say it was an eye opener for me to really understand the depth of what people go through and not getting the kind of help they need. I came to the conclusion that we must all work together to prevent suicide.

Being an Online Mental Health Counsellor with Mentally Aware Nigeria (MANI) gives me the opportunity to offer my help to those who need it. This, I am particularly grateful for because it’s one of the best decisions I have made in my life recently.

Happy World Suicide Prevention Month!

Counsellor Lola Iyiola.

The post WSPD: My Most Memorable Experience as an Online Mental Health Counsellor. appeared first on Project Covid.

Can you introduce yourself, please?

My name is Aanuoluwa and I’m an in-house counsellor for MANI.

What is that one suicidal case that really struck you?
This particular day, an admin of my group reached out to me and asked me if I could take an emergency case. I asked what the nature is and she mentioned ‘Suicidal ideation’. I gave a prompt ‘Yes’ and she sent the details to me. I messaged her to let her know I was going to call her and I did so after securing her permission. We talked for more than an hour and I was glad I placed that call because she was on the brink of taking her life.

Why Does that Case Stand out to You?
She is a mother of three who was suffering from hallucination, lack of companionship (as her husband was hardly around) and having to cope with relocating to a new state and leaving behind a thriving business and familiar faces.

How Did it Make you Feel?
My heart went out to her because it truly was a heavy load to bear. Her children were her anchor that was keeping her from going from suicidal ideation to suicidal attempt and she was seriously losing a grip on that one anchor as at the time contact was established.

How Were You Able to Help the Client?
The first step to helping her was to listen actively. During our first session, she spent over a hour talking about her challenges and all I did was to listen actively, reaffirm what she said and give encouraging phrases to convey empathy. After the first session, she felt a little better because she finally got someone to not just listen to her but believe her (her husband didn’t believe she was seeing things that did not exist in her immediate environment at that particular time and he didn’t believe she was having difficulty settling into the new state).
By the second session, she opened up more as she had felt relaxed and trusting. She mentioned the use of alcohol and hard drugs (cannabis) to blurt out her reality and still mentioned the need to leave life and not have to go through the pain anymore.

I encouraged her to do away with alcohol and the substances she was beginning to abuse. She was actually planning to use an excessive dose to commit suicide. After much persuasion, she agreed and we continued to discuss more.

By the third and fourth sessions, we had come up with ways for her to entertain herself, keep herself busy and be proud to be alive at the same time. She stated getting fulfilment from what she loved to do and was hopeful that it will truly help her cope with her situation.

By the fifth session, she stated that she was learning how to make candles and cream, planning on starting to sew again once her machine got delivered and agreeing to mix more with people in church seeing as that was the only social gathering she had access to at the time.

She had found a reason to live again, she had discovered that there were people (MANI) who genuinely cared for her mental health and was rooting for her. She had ditched the idea of committing suicide by the fifth session.

What would you like the world to know about suicide, suicidal thoughts and ideations?
I would like people to understand that if we’re to lessen the prevalence of suicide attempts and suicide cases in our society, then we all have an active role to play. Genuinely caring for the welfare and health of a person goes a long way in chasing away the shadow of suicide. Let’s avoid stigmatising, labelling, body-shaming, cyber bullying and other factors that contribute to suicidal ideation and thoughts.

In turn, let’s be more empathetic, more sensitive, more generous with positive words and more willing to lend a helping hand. Only then would we have a society that is suicide-free.

If you are experiencing feelings of hopelessness, despair, or you are having feeling of suicide ideation, click here.

The post WSPD: Interview With A Therapist appeared first on Project Covid.

Sex is beautiful and amazing, for real. And by sex, I mean, consensual sex. Especially, when the lovemaking process is done by people who know what they are doing – with the strokes, pace and actions. But sex sometimes is unhealthy – when it is used as a coping mechanism.

Now, don’t get me wrong; not all coping mechanisms are wrong/bad. A shy person about to give a speech rehearses over and over and speaks in a certain way in order to alleviate the shyness, that is one coping mechanism and we can’t say it is bad.

As a young male adult, after a breakup in September 2019, I went on a sex spree (otherwise known as rebound sex). I did this to cope with the hurt and pain I felt inside. For those days when I had a “hook-up”, I was able to distract myself from the hurt I felt. Sometimes, I relied on booze. Other times, I relied on the parties and hangouts.

In all, I avoided anything that would require me to face my pain. Truth be told, the breakup hurt badly, hence my decison to act “runaways season 4”, but instead of running from “Pride”, I ran from myself.

Fast forward to February 2020, I got into a relationship, but because of the hurt I didn’t allow myself to deal with, I hurt her in turn – lacked trust, questioned everything, and wasn’t willing to give myself wholly. 

This is the aftermath of unhealthy coping mechanisms- they don’t let you face your pain and heal once and for all.

Sometimes, we use sex as a coping mechanism for our self-esteem. I once had a female friend who gained confidence in her body count and her knowledge of sexual activities. Other times, we use it to fill a void left by someone or something (just like I did).

Psychosexual therapist, Dr Thaddeus Birchard once said, “People who identify as sex addicts use sex as a way to cope with life. They use sexual behaviour as an escape from unpleasant feelings—feelings that can be successfully addressed in psychotherapy.”

In essence, using sex as a coping mechanism makes us sex addicts because like pills, we crave it more and more and use it to distract ourselves. And when we do that, we not only hurt the people around us who genuinely love us (because we haven’t fully healed), we also affect our mental and physical health adversely.

If you are going through a hard time or hurting inside or dealing with low self-worth or use sex as a means of manipulation, STOP! You can’t distract yourself every minute of the day, and you should not.

If you are hurting inside, cry – it is an underestimated relief drug. When you are done crying, pick something creative to do. Write if you can, paint if you can, start a vlog if you want to, volunteer if possible. And gradually heal. You deserve to heal.

If sex helps your sex esteem (you are the best strokes master or the most durable person ever), cultivate your self-worth. In the world today, you definitely need more things to feel good about yourself. 

If sex is your tool of manipulation, pursue healthier relationships with people who don’t need to be manipulated.

Above all, whatever it is you need sex to cope with, face it head-on. There are other alternatives. And if you can’t seem to deal with the “unpleasant feelings” alone, please seek psychotherapy.

-Olawunmi Olaniyi.

The post Sex Is My Coping Mechanism- Is It Healthy? appeared first on Project Covid.

 I had people envying me because of the ease with which I carried my baby to term. I’ve never in my entire life desired someone as much as I desired this baby, what did I not do, ehn? I ate my vegetables, went for regular check-ups, had a fitness trainer come to the house twice a week, I prayed and fasted when I could. My mother(s) were excited, because they had never experienced this type of pregnancy, they treated me like an egg and to be honest I felt like one.

On the day of delivery, I walked into the hospital like a boss not knowing that my life was about to do a 180.

Five hours into labour, after several attempts at pushing, my doctor realized that my cervix wasn’t dilating properly, and of course, there just had to be a surgery. Unfortunately, I have tomophobia, a fear of surgical procedures, this fear developed after losing my father and sister to surgeries at different points in my life. Prior to my delivery, when I discovered I was pregnant, I asked my doctor about the possibility of having a caesarean delivery, and he assured me I was healthy and might not have to undergo a caesarean section.

Imagine my shock when I was then told there has to be a surgery, I was numb, all my planning went down the drain and I felt I was going to die.

But I survived. At least, I think I did But I don’t think I’m the same woman that went into the surgical room. Every day I see my father and my little sister and sometimes we have conversations. Everyone thinks I’m lying; the doctors call it hallucination, some say I’m going mad. But honestly, I think I’m just a spirit renting time in a host, and my time will soon be up. I tried explaining to my husband that I’m not “here” anymore, but he took me to a doctor who say’s I’m experiencing post-partum depression. I don’t believe him, I want to ask him if he sees people walk through his door, but I’m worried that he might chain me to a bed.

I don’t know what post-partum depression is, I don’t know what it looks like, I don’t understand what the medication I’m using is supposed to cure, but I know that as I was wheeled into the surgical room, a part of me left. Maybe if I find that missing part, I’ll be what they call “okay”, but how do I explain how it feels to be here but not here, how do I explain that living through my worst nightmares took something that can’t be returned. Who would understand?

-Inifolu

The post How My Post-Partum Depression Started appeared first on Project Covid.