We all know a shy person- a child or an adult. We’ve been shy at one point in time or at several points in our lives. From our first meeting with that super cool aunty who’s been away for a long time to our first day in a new school, not forgetting our first public speaking in primary school, aha! How did I forget the first meeting with the crush that didn’t happen because of shyness?
Sometimes we’re shy because it’s the only response we have to a new, strange or unexpected happening, other times it could be out of fear.
Although it may look cute sometimes, we can all agree that some other times, being extremely shy may get very annoying to others.
Shy? Social Anxiety? Selective Mutism?
Do you know a perpetually shy person? Someone who’s always scared of being around people other than themselves and therefore makes a conscious effort to avoid people completely?
This level of shyness can be a result of social anxiety. In a child, social anxiety can result in selective mutism. At least 90% of children with selective mutism also suffer from social anxiety. Children who deal with selective mutism will communicate effectively with people they are comfortable with, but would rather not say anything or completely avoid others they are not comfortable with. Without seeking treatment, children with social anxiety could spend their life not enjoying any social activity, hence miss out on life opportunities/experiences.
Signs Your Child Is Not ‘Just Shy’ But Dealing With Social Anxiety
Shyness is not in itself a problem because people live fulfilling lives nonetheless. When shyness becomes a problem is when it begins to interfere with the quality of life and relationships one has. In children, social anxiety may interfere with how they learn in class ( e.g. poor performance class discussion), in their relationships at school (isolation), etc.
The physical signs that can accompany a social encounter for such a child may include nausea, stomach aches, blushing, and trembling. Other signs are;
- Difficulty meeting other children or joining in groups
- Avoidance of social situations where they might be the focus of attention or stand out from others (e.g. answering questions in class).
- Not having friends or having a very limited number
11 Steps To Help The ‘Shy’ Child
- Gently get your child to question the train of thought that makes he/she scared of a social situation. For example ‘ why do you think everyone will be staring at you?”
- Open up about times you’ve felt anxious in social situations and how you’ve faced your fears.
- Gently encourage the child to join in social situations and start new activities. Avoiding social situations will only increase the problem.
- You can help your child prepare for situations that make him feel worried or fearful by roleplaying at home and by practising things that can make him/her feel better.
- Try to avoid speaking for your child, because this can make the problem worse. This does not mean you should force your child to talk or do things in front of other people, as this could only make things worse.
- With gentle encouragement, persuade your child to interact but if this doesn’t work, don’t punish the child for failing, just strategize for next time.
- Discuss your child’s anxiety with his/her school, also letting them know how you are dealing with it.
- Encourage and praise your child’s efforts at interacting socially.
- Do not label your child as ‘shy’, but you could instead just say your child is more comfortable with people he/she knows.
- In helping your child to overcome anxiety, remember to start small and tackle little things before you face the really scary things.
- Seek professional help for your child if you realise that you are not making any headway.