these days, i find myself fearing the rain/my heart skipping at the sight of grey clouds./ even as i write this poem, my anxiety holds me in, like a caged bird/ & i wonder if sudden rays of the sun can melt this numbness i’m about to plunge in./my mother once told me some types of peace are best had/ in pieces, in elements that have never spoken the language of wholeness. i’m at a loss/ perhaps, she hasn’t drowned enough./ i’ve seen guilt like an earthworm, dig/ into cracks in me a boy’s soul/ making him a house on fire./ burning burning burning /
latching onto any anchor capable of being a savior, enough to salvage all that’s left of these half doors/ tears/ wounded windows/ trauma, really is some river.
i want to wear colours of the wind/ watch it paint every inch of me with freedom/ because each day i see my mother’s eyes/ i become part of an unholy conjugation with pain./ yesterday, another shade of purple sat on her cheeks/ and like a moribund pool, it refused to flow/ is this what helplessness feels like?/ our gazes meet and with all her strength, she wrung me a smile/ i don’t like feeling like this/ now, i can’t help but think/ of other ways courage fails a man./ in hands that don’t know how to stop this tap/ or conversations in the dark.
perhaps this time, i’ll open my spirit to finding answers/ succumbing to the blade’s song/ humming/ letting my lips master each word/ & my feet, every space in between/ or drowning this noise in water/ watch each drop carry each of its weight/ & find a ritual to make this moment elastic/ filling this vessel with enough to absorb these pains/ to weigh these fears/ to carry possibilities of answers & maybe hope.
Bio:
Taiwo Hassan is a student of Yorùbá descent, a poet and writer. His works have been published in several print and online publications, including Liminal Transit Review, Praxis Magazine, Ice Floe Press, and Dust Poetry Magazine, to mention a few. When he’s not writing, he’s either listening to music, singing or watching TV series. His social media handles include @iamtsoul on Instagram and @symplytaiwo on Twitter.